


Memories Misbegotten

by Vivid_Utopia



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Body Horror, But what else is new?, Canonical Character Death, Christmas Carol AU???, Description of a rotting corpse, Drunk Light, Dubious Consent, During Canon, Ghost of Christmas Future // Yet To Come vibes, Ghosts, Hallucinations, Horror, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Light is haunted, Light is slightly unhinged, Light sees ghosts, M/M, Microfic, Oneshot, Past Character Death, Post Timeskip, REALLY GROSS, Sad, Short, a slippery handjob from a rotting corpse, but mostly creepy, can you tell I was listening to the Silent Hill soundtracks while writing?, delerium - Freeform, dubcon, even i don't know what this implies for Light's character, he's just guilty, he's not a medium though, i guess Light likes it?, i really can't emphasise how sorry i am, i'm sad about L so i'm taking it out on Light, it's all in his head, kinda gross, no, this kinda reminds me of 'A Christmas Carol' now that i'm looking back at it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:54:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28065063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vivid_Utopia/pseuds/Vivid_Utopia
Summary: On November 5th, five years ago, Light Yagami was supposed to be set free, to begin constructing his new world as Kira. Time after time, as he grew to a near climax at eliminating international crime syndicates, a dull pain in the centre of his head, like a migraine, would draw him back from the pages he would so intensely leer at. He would envision a familiar face turning towards him, mouthing a phrase that had been all too distant from his ears, and he would stop. That rush of guilt and fear would force him to take pause.*** This is my first fic. I know that this isn't the best fic to post first, but this is the first fic I've ever actually finished, so I guess I can't be very picky. I have 0 points for follow-through. It's also remarkably short, especially compared to most fics I've read on here, so don't buckle-up for the long haul.
Relationships: L/Yagami Light
Kudos: 13





	Memories Misbegotten

**Author's Note:**

> MAAAAAAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD!!! 
> 
> If you haven't made it passed ep 25, don't read! If you're okay with spoilers, or you just don't care, godspeed. This is some... interesting content. If you don't know what you're in for, read the tags before reading. This is WHACK stuff. I mean it.
> 
> *** I kinda think this fic is funny, but then again I watched Higurashi: When they Cry and Future Diary when I was 12, so I am no judge of humour.

"Alright Light, I think the rest of us will head home for tonight." Aizawa motioned to Souichirou, Matsuda and Ide, who were lounging on the couch opposite him, to start packing up their belongings. The room began to fill with the sounds of closing laptops and unplugging wires and cables, sounds that soothed Light’s mind; sounds that signaled Kira to creep to the surface of Light’s consciousness.

Light turned around in his swivel chair, away from his laptop and wall of monitors, to face the rest of the Kira Task Force members. "Alright, I'll allow it." He said. His words flowed from his mouth with the commanding tone of an older, more seasoned officer. However, to sound less standoffish, _suspicious_ , he slapped on a: "You all did some good work today, have a safe trip home," and a curt nod for good measure. He couldn’t let anyone catch on.

The smile he had forced his face into was practiced, refined -- _perfect_. A mixture of professional and personable that could hardly be rivalled. Mogi smiled back at him, silently collecting his items and following the lead of Aizawa. “Good night, Light. You are indeed deserving of your place as L.” Soichirou bowed, proud of his son’s hard work and duty to justice, and made his leave with the rest.

As the group filed out of Light's apartment, Matsuda wishing 'Misa-Misa' a good night before shutting the front door, he felt his plastered-on smile melt away. Everything in his life had been uninterested posing, as his position as L's stand-in allowed Kira to kill with barely a care about the Task Force catching him. All he could have ever wanted had been granted since he picked up the Death Note… 

However, Light had not anticipated such intense fear and paranoia to sprout from his immaculately executed plan. 

On November 5th, five years ago, Light Yagami was supposed to be set free, to begin constructing his new world as Kira. Time after time, as he grew to a near climax at eliminating international crime syndicates, a dull pain in the centre of his head, like a migraine, would draw him back from the pages he would so intensely leer at. He would envision a familiar face turning towards him, mouthing a phrase that had been all too distant from his ears, and he would stop. That rush of guilt and fear would force him to take pause.

Light ground his teeth. Even though he was gone, and had been gone for quite some time, these setbacks still seemed to arise within himself. He thought that if that trifling detective was out of the picture, his reign as Kira would be unhindered. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case by any stretch of the imagination.

His mind was consumed by the memory of that man. Rather than his ideal vision of the world, he would get thrown off at how boring winning had turned out to be. But, did he really win in the end? The persistence of those memories, of that man's final moments, was proving to be more of a detriment than he'd hoped.

It could be that the death of L had awoken some dark part of himself that threatened to break apart the shoddily repaired mask of Kira's brilliance. He was antsy, and his performance as the dutiful son and replacement to both L and Watari was hanging on by a thread. His boredom wasn't the cause, either; even Misa sensed that much. He was under such stress, lashing out at anything and anybody that so much as looked at him the wrong way. Things were spinning out of control.

It wasn't like him to feel such strong paranoia ━ he hadn't felt that way since his first month of ownership of the Death Note. At the slightest sounds or the sight of a silhouette that took on the vague form of a person, he would spiral into a panic. That was because, wherever he was ━ be it the café, Task Force headquarters, or even when he was going down on Misa ━ Light saw ghosts. He even… _felt_ them, their presence wrapping around his body in a tight embrace. The feeling was loving and gentle, and each time he would be struck by a wave of torturous nostalgia. 

It wasn't that those feelings of love still burnt within him, bitterly licking at his insides. The incessant, dull pain of losing L wasn't what his mind latched onto. Such feelings weren't even real. Those phantom pains, Light kept telling himself, were just that ━ phantoms. And yet the phantomous shinigami, Ryuk, loomed over him, looking over his shoulder as he wrote names, ever-present and always annoying. He was physical _proof_ that such phantoms did exist and that perhaps, while Light would rather die than admit it, the visage of L that etched itself further and further into the recesses of his heart and that ghostly presence that seemed to sweep through the air every waking moment… Perhaps they were real, too.

He didn't dare to discuss it, he hated how his mind would even begin to linger on this person. He was dead, and still this dead man haunted and tormented him as if he were alive once again. 

Just as when he was alive… 

That ghastly expression, fish-eyes wide and overly attentive, would greet him each day; during their encounters at the university and even while they were handcuffed together, L seemed to enjoy his persistent presence in Light's life. Like a thorn in his side, he was always there, demanding attention despite his subdued demeanour. Who could have guessed that Light Yagami becoming accustomed to the intelligence and cunning of L would turn to such strong and… unnecessary emotions? 

Drowning those emotions with a drink, Light found himself succumbing to the ghostly visions of his unrequited love that began to surround him once again. It was from his avoidance of those visions that led him down this path, he had figured that was why he was pestered. However much he wanted to run away, lock himself somewhere far, far away from that man, his drinking left him prone, sitting at his desk. 

His vulnerability gave way to those cold hands taking hold of his own, like they had many times before, and thin arms wrapping around him from behind. Faint kisses trailed up the back of his neck and his pathetic delusions became _so real_ in that moment that, through tears from those familiar sensations that he _missed_ , Light began to plead for forgiveness. Plead for those sensations to stop, to stop that corpse from bringing him to his knees with fright and grief and a growing arousal. 

But those silent movements, that mouth seeming to both revere and resent him, commend him and condemn him, moved along all of his sensitive points that the real L would have known all too well.

He didn't even feel like he was on Earth anymore, like his body and soul had been transported to an alternate universe. Kira's god-like dominance became nothing more than a speck of dust in his mind while his composure waned, as if L had spirited him away just to toy with him like this now. His broken-record movements, a moment in time stuck and looping, becoming more and more relentless amidst Light's repentance.

"Please, _God_ ," he pleaded to those love-ridden illusions, "leave me alone!" His throat constricted, but no matter how much he pleaded with this personification of guilt, the familiar chill of L's hands around his body never let up.

A distant voice kept mumbling in his ear, mumbling so low it was nearly inaudible, and Light could barely focus on anything as his senses were bombarded. That voice, that damned voice… it was like white noise, an extreme case of tinnitus that droned on, and on, distracting him from his prayers.

"What?" He felt himself gasp, lurching forward as one of the spirit's hands moved downward, closer to Light's groin. "What are you saying? I can't understand you!" He shouted again. He was already hard, and as the hand rubbed against his arousal, he bucked his hips into the palm of that hand, wanting L's illusory presence to be finished with him soon.

Lithe fingers unbuttoned his khakis, pulling apart the fabric to reveal Light's undergarments. Coldness enveloped his length, thinly sliding up the underside of his shaft. 

Light gasped. Not out of shock or fear, but rather the familiarity had ‘hit’ him in a very specific way. He would swear that, if he focused hard enough on that feeling, he was back then ━ five years in the past ━ lying prone and writhing beneath L’s expert hands.

* * *

_He hadn't expected the detective to be able to elicit such a reaction from him. The unassuming nature of L's talents may have had an impact on him, but looking into those ghostly eyes, being inspected by his adversary, was the most erotic out of everything else. It was as if he could look into Light’s mind and know each vile and degrading thought that had crossed it as he stared back into those grey eyes._

_"Why is it that every time I touch you here, you look away?" L's lighthearted chuckle filled the bedroom as he stroked Light's erection. "I don't mind that. You're not embarrassed, are you?"_

_"It's not that, I-" Light began. Something was nagging at him, something he was forgetting. It was such a rush to be here again, comfortable and safe in his arms and within these walls. Light smiled, "actually, it's fine. Just… I'm surprised."_

_The cream-coloured walls boxed them in, and the oaken door was shut. The pair of them had always locked it behind them, even though they were free from prying eyes. "You asked for this, I don't get it…"_

_"I 'asked for' what?" Light had no idea what L was talking about, "what do you mean?"_

_"_ **_This!_ ** _You know," L gestured to the rest of the room; to himself, to Light's naked body, to the cream-coloured walls, and to the hazy, looming thought that crossed Light's mind once again._

_The distant scratching sound of pen-on-paper, a flash of red-and-white, and a full alarm's droning. A thud, he caught something- no, some_ **one** _. And a distant panic… Something wasn't right here._

_L's closing eyes._

_"This…" Light tried his best to bite back another moan as his breathing quickened. "This isn't right! L! You're supposed to be dead!" He closed his eyes, which were beginning to well with tears, "I- watched you die!"_

_A low gurgling sound erupted from before Light, as the cold hand gripping Light's dick slowly became rigid, a sickly coolness grew from its fingertips through to the clammy palm. As he opened his eyes, curious about where the sound was coming from, he only saw decay._

_It began with a trail of blood trickling down from the corner of L's left eye. It halted at his chin, collected, then dribbled down onto Light's groin in deep red dots that spackled against his porcelain skin. Rotting flesh started to drip from his cheekbones, revealing the thin lines that made up his musculature which soon disconnected from it's hold on L's bones. Glassy eyes misshapen, and matted clumps of hair tried their best to keep hanging on, torturously dangled from what appeared to be the top of L's skull as L remained stroking Light's length. What was once the disheveled and erotic detective had become a slippery and rotting corpse._

* * *

With this image looking him dead in the face, feeling the slick flesh still wrapped around his cock, he came. And with that, L's ghost released him. Light was panting hard, reeling from how intensely he came, and shut his eyes. He took in the feeling, getting lost in L’s fading scent and losing grip on where he was and what he was doing. His eyes stung from crying, but he couldn’t help but let two more tears escape before he felt reality come back to him.

His eyes opened, they were left slightly droopy, half-lidded and tired, red from his incessant weeping. Despite the fresh tear tracks that sullied his cheeks and chin, Light smiled, grinning wide and twisted like Ryuk. It was all in his head!

A miserable laugh bubbled up from deep within his chest as he leaned back in his chair. Light gasped for air, still lacking control over his haunting giggle, and he moved a shaking hand to the side of his face, cradling it.

  
" _What am I gonna do now?_ "

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys liked it!! Anyways,,,,,, comment your reactions, I'd like to read them.  
> I really do mean it; was it funny, was it gross, was it kinda sad??? I wanna know.  
> I mostly made this for jokes, so I hope it did the job lol 
> 
> Have a good day!!! Love u!


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